December 2010, Week 50

6th, Mon - Facial Appointment
8th, Wed - Meet up with Financial Planner
10th, Fri - Scrumptious Dinner with mugging pal
12th, Sun - JB trip with the Dearest 4Girls
16th ~19th, Thurs~Sun - BKK Trip

Drama Catch-up

My Girlfriend is a Gumiho

我的女友是九尾狐

King of Baker, Kim Tak Goo

It's Funtime!

END OF EXAM

START OF HOLIDAY

It's about change

Not an avid blogger, I logged in and found much changes in Blogger. Templates design, hecked. I went to clicked UPGRADE & my old blog skin changed (as what you see now). Everything is changing at every seconds of time & you never knows when it is and what's coming up. Just like the things in life.

Supposedly to work on Monday & Tuesday, I went to take MC for 2 days. Okay, it was an undisciplined and dishonesty act. Felt really bad but glad cos I don't have to work. But this is like deceiving myself right? In the end, still got to return to work when the day comes. Honestly, I don't really enjoy working. Whether it is my work that I don't like or it is having to work that I dislike, I haven't figure out that answer yet. It feels great to have a job, earning your own income but all of these does not come easy. Most of the time I wonder how others do it when I myself finds it tough. It is like losing that motivation & you try finding back but ended up losing it.

Over the 1 year since, life was difficult & I had almost given up all hopes. Almost near the end of 2010, I've accomplished nothing of significant. Is this not the way I wanted it?

I slowly comprehend that why we need God in our lives.

ACC203 Topic Forum 1 Locked

Urgh!! I'm so wasted!! I've got myself to blame if I were to have F-grade(high possibility). My negligence and stupidity had overcomed my being. Why didn't I submit the 2 postings?? I'm gonna do the Qn2!

Something to tell Shepherd

Where shall I start? I'm like a lost sheep ever since I left my Shepherd. Everything has not been going well even my heart & soul is like another being on its own. I lost my sense of direction & the pillar of my support. In the past, I used to questioned God on the things that are happening to me & I'll always feel better when I know that God share my saddness & loneliness. A few months have passed, following by a year or two. I've moved & I've grown. Without God. My life has no purpose and it is always lacking in something. I think back about the past though things may have change but my heart no longer has You. Dear God, do you think I am a selfish person? For denying the love you had for me that I choose to give up? My biological father may love me as his daughter but you are different. You gave more than what I really felt. My faith for you may not be strong but whenever I feel sad or empty, I imagine that You are there for me to share what I feel right at the moment. Which is something nobody can fulfill or take Your place. Dear God, right now I want to be enlighten by You. I just want to feel your love.

Work may have been tough, studies has just kicked off & physical disability may have hinder me, but end of the day it's just me. Myself. I love solitary but it dosen't conceal the love & care I hope to get. Please, I juat want to feel your love tonight.

blues

Is it monday blues, mood swing or am I feeling negative today?
While at work, I just got the urge to quit. And hoping for the time to pass quickly.
When it's time to go back, I don't look forward to go home but nowhere to go.
It's a pain and torturous.
When I'm home, I wish I could be happy but I'm not.
What kind of life am I going through right now?

......

This post is going to suck.
Bad evening ever since yesterday. I quarrelled with my dad again. Probably this will be the last time we'll ever be in talking terms. Well, to say the history, it'll be long. All this is accumulated over time. I told him it's like fated that I'd revenge on him of what he did in the past. I didn't literally say I revenge on him, but it's fated. I didn't decide to but it's like I'm being forced under the circumstances. Since I was brought up in a broken family, which won't really have any good or positive things could happened, my character has been molted. What I couldn't enjoy & achieve during the past, I will strive for my own now. So if he suffer, he feels disappointed, heart-broken, he gets his medicine back. Have he not understand that this is how exactly me & my brother felt all these years? When he say not to mention about the past, but why? Since the present problem is the same as the past. I held on to the past because I am not satisfied on the current situation. I keep thinking why does this have to happen & why on me? My mind is just so shut out and my heart is always heavy. I know I am very demanding and insisted that things to go according to my way but can't I have that priviledge? Sometimes, I wish I was an orphan yearning for parents' love but at least I don't have to go through the pain & loss. This is worse than anything else.

Meet-up cum mini celebration

Weijie's Birthday Celebration
Meeting Venue: Bugis
Time: 630PM
I reached almost 7PM supported by a good reason. I went to buy the birthday boy's present.
We walked to Liang Seah Street for steamboat.
In the end, we decided Suntec.
Either Kuishinbo or steamboat.
Finally we settled for chinese-style buffet @ Pearl River (somewhere in between conventional halls)
We order alot. Really alot.
Buddha Jump over the Wall
Soft shell crab
Steamed Sea Bass
Lettuce, Long Beans & Baby Kailan
Cereal Prawns
Roasted Pork
Cripsy Duck Skin
Some other dishes I can't remember..
Cos the waitress serves & clean the plates faster than the rate we're eating.
Ya, the feeling is like either they are rushing to end work early or chasing us out.
Photo-taking cum uploading into Facebook
Dessert Time
Very full until we keep pushing the food to each other.
Next Destination: Esplanade
Just plain slacking & photo-taking
Abit of World Cup Fever with the rest
Just nice Brazil vs Holland playing
After awhile,
We parted & Home.

Nice hangout. Enjoyable Friday.

crabby dinner

First of all, Happy Fathers' Day!

Now the main dissatisfaction. As it was a Fathers' Day, we decided to dine out and have a good meal - CRABS. The non air-conditioned restaurant is located at Yio Chu Kang Road, probably rented the space from landed property. We ordered Sambal Kang Kong, Hotplate Venison & Black Pepper Crab (two 1kg crabs). The vegetables & meat came so we ate while waiting for the crab. However it was never served even we finished the 2 dishes. Nevertheless, we waited patiently as the crowd was understandable. Finally the waitress placed the piping hot crabs & we started digging. This is the point where we found out that the crabmeat at the pincer somewhat shrink in size. It's like overcharging us. Hence, we informed the manager about our distress and unfairness. In the end, the bill charged us $100. But I still think its expensive & not worthwhile. You should have seen the other tables faces, so black just waiting for their crabs to be serve. Afterall, the restaurant decision not to include GST & service charge was a right move. Because if there is, they are really money suckers.

Show some light please

Ya, another late night sleep. Every night was and is. I couldn't sleep well too and been dreaming about weird incidents. With all the stress and obstacles surfacing out, I just cannot manage. A phrase to describe; My life is so sucky now. I say that I am just not cut out to be what I am or what I am for. In terms of work, I'm a loser. In family, I'm a failure. Even in my own world, I am a useless, lazy & good-for-nothing person. How can I have accomplishment in the rate that I'm going?. I need breakthrough, I need revival please! I always think that I know myself well, rather to let people understand me. I feel I am trying but thy think I am over-protective. Who wouldn't be protective of themselves? I just want to shield my emotions from getting hurt in anyways. What you see physically can sometimes be too overwhelming by the truth. What is truth? What is real? - the fact is, it is always awfully, not really what you wish and want to know or hear. It gives you disappointments, shock, bewilderment. So should I believe you & seek or act ignorant? For goodness sake, it's for myself or for the better of others, that is what I am figuring out. What do I want for life? I guess I am used to running in a vicious cycle without habouring any intentions to leave once & for all.

Sex And The City 2

Sex and the City 2 is worth watching!

tech stuffs

I feel so blessed with HTC HD2, Nokia E71 & iPod Touch.

heart-felt msg

I've changed.

I may have done something that is so wrong that I didn't realised it.

I've committed sins.

I've let myself down, in fact everybody.

I failed to be what I am for.

I don't have any goals no aims in my life.

I lost track of myself.

I hate myself at times.

I feel sad and stupid for myself.

I've forsaken hope.

I'm tired.

I'm helpless and alone.

Why do tough roads never ends? I thought I can choose my own path. I'd choose the easy way out. Unless God has already planned the road for me. Why did I only come to an understanding now? But why do I have to go through all these? I have a lots of doubts and I really wish God you can tell me. I've tried and gave up. I don't want to think for the future cos I don't wish to see the pain and disappointment coming. God if you love me, love me forever. Because at least I know there's someone in the world that loves and cares for me even if the whole world doesn't.

Tuesday nights

Hours seems to pass like seconds during Tuesday nights. Multi-tasking around internet browsing, FB-ing, SMS, catching CSI on TV, fiddling with itunes.. I just wish I got more time, or maybe don't have to work too. Believe it a not, I actually asked my bro to help me get the dota game thumbdrive. Wanna give a shot to decide whether is it really my kind. By the way, it's real windy at my house right now. My bedroom door has slammed twice & scared us out of our wits twice. Luckily, my soul didn't leave me. Great night to sleep. ZZZzzzz.

sat afternoon: lup

That's too bad, didn't get to see that shuai resident.. PTO said he came down and voted already. Anyway, another fufilling day at LUP morning shift. Even it was sweltering hot in the afternoon but still managed to get 9 proxy and secured the 75%. Yeah! Clap clap. Hard work was worthwhile and at the same time can burned off some calories while climbing all those flight of stairs! Haha.

a shuai resident

A sense of fulfillment at LUP duty tonight. Those phone calls made are worthwhile and it pays being a runner. Haha cos saw a resident, so shuai. Almost lose control of myself, too bad he's married. He said will come down to vote on Saturday instead of signing proxy. However, I won't mind to get a glimpse of him again. Heh.. Gotta sleep soon and chiong morning duty tomorrow. Hope that resident come down tomorrow when I'm around.. Zzzzz

movie: date night

The movie portray the humor side of married life. People may have commitments and tend to lose hope and confident in themselves over time. But if we could learn and try new and alternative ways, it could really turn out very different & unexpectedly. What a couple to start with. =)

why give a damn

I'm really pissed off. It's like they are expecting you to do everything and taking advantage of your presence and your existence. Can't I come home from work without facing any more frustration and anger? What is wrong with these people that are so close to me but yet so distance. I've left all the hopes long time ago so I don't give a damn to who are you or show any respect even it was necessary. Because I felt that it is pointless. I can't see or find anything that I should treat you the way I should as you keep doing stuff that make me despise you even more. My life is already ruined and I'm trying my best to pick it up so I don't understand why do I have to go through the bloody shit which in the first place is not created by me. Life will be fair and I am going to make my life fair. I don't want to be stuck in this mess and I won't let it hurt me ever again. Sucking up to me or pleasing me won't work on me so just fuck off far away from me.

t:)day

So it can be resolved afterall. Lunch, work together, dinner & bus ride back home. =) All becomes an understanding. Human minds are indeed complex.

a little & also patience

I did something using only little of my courage today. Yup, I texted F. My gut feeling was hesitant and chance of replying is like 50%.. Anyway I already sent if no reply, I'll just take it that I've made an effort trying. Of course I wish there's an reply cos it will mean that there's something that can be done. And it turns out, I receive it. =) Maybe time will heal..

Find & fight for my friend back

Over the years, I learnt that friends are really important to me. Maybe some things happened or there's misunderstanding, and the friendship is just affected. I don't wish to lose a friend just because of this. We used to do things together but just maybe because of that incident then everything seems to change. I don't know if F is angry over that issue or just too stressed over work but I kinda sense that it's regarding that issue. It must be something as F is like giving a cold shoulder because that is not his usual self. The incident may have been the trigger and the additional load of work being thrown back to F. Maybe my action really spite F.. I don't know how exactly to approach the situation because I 'm afraid that it will just worsen. If the first step I take is wrong, then it is that's it. Human heart is just so fragile. But I hope we can be friends again back like we used to, cos I don't want to lose a friend that is important to me. I will fight for it, at least I know that I tried cos it's worthwhile. Afterall, it's really hard to find a good friend for life. I mean take a good look at the society and within our work life, you can have colleagues but hard to make good friends out of it. Colleagues can turned upon you without taking much of your considerations of your feelings but friends will never do that to each other cos we care for one another. Life sucks and hurts alot at times. If I lose it, I will fight it back.

indo-i-come

20/03/2010

Another Saturday but a Holiday

Batam Trip

Not much buys in return

Not as enjoyable

But still, love ya guys.

awaits for our holiday plans after our confirmation

Aahhhhhh

Finally there's gonna be some updates to my archive. Still as happening as before, didn't slept well last night because I got a very bad nightmare. I can't remember clearly but felt like being forced to my deathbed. Maybe I'm having a bad time but what am I supposed to say, everybody are also having their own bad time. It's pitiful but yet it's so hard to feel pitiful. Screammm..

there

Omg. This week really happening.
Besides having nightmares almost every night, and the inner self I'm fighting with
Somehow I felt He was there when I cried out.

Frustration

Wth.
These few days were really frustrating. First, I couldn't connect to itunes store so I spent the whole night trying different ways to mend it but it was still the same hopeless situation. It was a sleepless night. Second, cock up with the uni application and also fumbling with the internet pop-up. That instance, I really felt regretted not taking up IT skills. Still having hope that that my itunes store will be ok, so I tried opening the application. My hope's dashed and another sleepless night. Worst still, I wanted to print my application form in the office but the internet version there is slightly older. Damn it man. So I spent the afternoon anxiously and thinking where I can print that stupid thing. When I reached home, I found out I'm really a fool and sufferring from a headache.

I just got to admit I'm a IT idoit and starting to having axiety disorder. But nowdays technology is just getting further away from me or is it that I can't keep with the pace?

Tired Sunday

How I spend the 11 hours and 30 mins of LUP duty on a Sunday:

1) Watching magic show, children competing on how long they can hold their voice, lion dance
2) Standing and explaining the facts and figures
3) Walking and climbing lots of stairs
4) Eating wanton mee and duck noodle
5) Strolling in the park and played a bit
6) Going Community Centre toilet instead of the mobile one.

Ended with a sore and aching feet. All the way man. Monday night shift then I can call it off a day.

Happy Friday

I'm so happy today because I finally got to spent some quality time with my ah ma. Yeah! She baked 2kg of pineapple tarts so I went over to help her too.
Ah ma also cooked mee sua for me and we ate together. Later, she gave me a fortune cookie and inside the cookie there's a slip of paper written, "A handful of patience is worth more than a bushel of brains". I enjoyed the evening very much with ah ma.

Is That Real?

What a funny night we had for MP Blk visit. Usually it's serious work but tonight it seems that both of us really laugh it out. The reason was a 'fake' dog. The 'bulldog' at one of the residents house looks so real and we both thought it was just resting at the kitchen entrance. Just as both of us realised that the dog is not a real one, we heard the MP saying "The dog looks so real!" Immediately we burst out laughing.. of course in silence. You should have seen the 'dog', its folds make it looks damned real. Even the MP agree.. and that's the first sentence he greeted to that resident. Wahahahaha. After that incident Amelia kept asking me "is that real"?

2 days MC

I'm down with bad cramps. Being excused from work today for 2 days MC. Had a good rest at home and ate "healthy" meals. Finally watched [Hi, My Sweetheart] "Hai Pai Tian Xin" episode 2. I hope I will get better tomorrow. And thanks bro, for the two pairs of socks you bought me, it was just in time. :)

After part of the weekdays

WEDNESDAY marks the end of the 2-days course at Ngee Ann Poly. I really miss poly life.

THURSDAY resume work at TMBO. Slightly moody. Left office at 1930.

FRIDAY morning rain makes me sleepy. Another OT.

Hami

Raining cats and dogs.

Wash away bygones, have a good night sleep and ready for tomorrow.

Life goes on for Hami even for being a small mouse. :)

enough.

So many things can happen within 12 days. I didn't like what has happened and I still don't like it now. Everyone has their own destiny and choice to make, so why doesn't it seems that I can choose my own path? I told myself before that I will never hate anybody or anything but all of these just pushing me into desolation. Why do I have to go through this? It's really unfair. I would bear my own consequences but why do I have to clear someone mess and suffer for it when it's not even my fault. The road has been tough and I thought I was strong enough to brave through it. Turns out that I over-estimated my abilities.

Things have already come so far, I will never be able to be like the past. I just don't want to be hurt over the same issue over and over again.

xiao long bao

I finally got to eat xiao long bao today. I met with my dad and had dinner at Crystal Jade so we ordered a tray of fours. The meat filling smells a bit like the white good morning towel drenched in water. In the end both of us just ate everything cos we were too hungry. Hey Yuli, so when are we going for the xiao long bao buffet?

OT nights

I knocked the door and waited for awhile. Door opens;
Auntie: "You sell the Yakult one arh? No, no, no. I don't want."
Me: "Hi, auntie. No, I'm from HDB, Housing Board..."

This is one incident that I almost thought it was a joke. At least we know Yakult is also doing house visit.

Man: "The pen no ink." ~smiles at me.
Me: " Sorry, I only have one pen and it has no ink."
Man: " No ink you still give me sign." ~tracing his signature as the strokes are very faint.

This is the reason why there's accusations of forgery.

WTH, Sian

What the hell.
iPod touch malfunctioning. I thought it was on low battery so I went to charge. Then I realised it's not some troubleshooting issue because the screen remained black even I switch on-off several times. Arhh.. Can't listen to my music for tomorrow. It's has become part of me already..

This week is a bad start.

2010

2nd day of year 2010 and I am thinking how to spend the days.